True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
