My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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