My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
