my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
