my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
