Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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