where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
