Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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