K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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