OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
