yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
