I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
