Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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