i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
