Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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