i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
