The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
