so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
