So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
