Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
sex in a hospital.. check
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
