i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Less talking, more tequila
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
