if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
