I want to walk on stilts...naked
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
