You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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