just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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