i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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