that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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