I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize