so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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