just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just found a bag of teeth...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think your dad took our porno
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
