Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
