Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
