I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
