rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
