he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
