matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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