but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
