Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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