I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Come share oat with me in your robe
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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