somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
