sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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