and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
