I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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