Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
