she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
