Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He did a backflip because drugs
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
