I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
