I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
