im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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