Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
