she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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