Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
