so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
this will be a night to untag.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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