sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
