I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
