Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
