His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dear god my vagina.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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