I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
