Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
