rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
