Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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