I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
