you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
