it was like eating out sand paper
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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