bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
