I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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