I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
