2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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