you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
