It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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