hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
