At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
