Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
