nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
