I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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